Dating 101: Healthy Relationships for Teens
It’s 7:30 p.m. and your teen is glued to her cell phone, waiting for that special “someone” to call. As your teen matures, she will inevitably become more interested in dating, but how do you know if your child is in a safe relationship?
Building relationships can be an important and exciting part of the teen years, but it’s critical for parents to watch for signs of an unhealthy relationship. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, more than one in 10 teens experience physical violence in a dating relationship, but abuse isn’t always physical. Learn how to talk with your child about relationships and how to know if a significant other’s behavior becomes inappropriate.
Cause for Concern
Warning signs that your teen may be involved in an unhealthy relationship include:
- being overly concerned with pleasing the other person
- changes in physical appearance, such as bruises or other injuries, or wearing concealing clothing
- isolating herself from friends and family
- retreating from school or activities
- spending excessive time with the person she is dating, even through unhealthy amounts of calling or text messaging
“If a parent suspects a teen might be in an unhealthy relationship, it’s important for a parent not to talk but listen,” says Shera Kafka, MSW, LCSW, parent education specialist at St. Louis Children’s Hospital. “Approach the teen in a manner that won’t provoke a defensive reaction. Make an observation [i.e. ‘I noticed you’ve been quiet lately’], not an interrogation. Be supportive and nonjudgmental when starting a conversation about her safety and self-esteem.”
Talking Tips
Start communicating early with your teen and be a role model for positive, healthy relationships. Three stages of discussing relationships include:
1. Before dating. Ask your teen if her friends are dating. What does your teen want or expect in a relationship? Has she witnessed a controlling relationship?
2. Starting to date. Ensure you communicate with your teen about her whereabouts and with whom she will be spending time. Will she be in a situation where she may be vulnerable?
3. During dating. If you suspect your teen may be in an abusive relationship, consult your physician about seeking help. Talk with your teen about ways to get out of the relationship, and be ready to assist her.
You may not be popular with your teen at times, but your job is to keep her safe.
