March 6, 2026, 9:00 a.m.
Mini Tandon, DO
Lying is one of the most upsetting behaviors parents face. Many parents worry that a lie means something is wrong or that their child is becoming dishonest by nature. In most cases, that is not true. Lying is usually a sign that a child does not yet know how to handle a situation honestly without fear or discomfort.
Why kids lie
Children lie for various reasons. They may want to avoid trouble, disappointment, or conflict. Some lie because they feel embarrassed. Others lie to protect themselves socially or emotionally. For younger children, the line between imagination and truth is still forming. For older children and teens, lying often reflects poor problem-solving rather than poor character. They know the truth, but they choose a shortcut they think will reduce the consequences.
When a lie happens
How a parent or caregiver responds to a lie has more impact than the lie itself. Strong emotional reactions, long lectures, or harsh punishment often teach children to hide mistakes better next time rather than be honest. Calm, direct responses keep the focus on responsibility. Start by stating what you know without accusation. Then talk about the behavior and what needs to happen next. This keeps the situation grounded and makes honesty feel safer.
Address the reason behind the lie
Lying is rarely the real problem. The real issue is usually fear, avoidance, or lack of skills. Ask why the lie happened without sounding like an interrogator. You may learn that your child was worried about getting in trouble or did not know how to handle the situation honestly. That information helps guide your response.
When lying needs more attention
Occasional lying is part of development. It becomes a concern when it is frequent, covers unsafe behavior, or is paired with anxiety, aggression, or major behavior changes. In those cases, the goal is still not punishment alone. It is helping a child learn better ways to handle pressure, mistakes, and responsibility.
Teaching honesty over time
Honesty is a skill. Children learn it through clear expectations, consistent responses, and adults who model truthful behavior themselves. It helps to say something simple like, “Telling the truth matters because it helps us solve problems.” That keeps the focus on learning rather than blame.
Lying does not mean a child is untrustworthy or bad. It usually means they are still learning how to manage fear, consequences, and communication. With calm responses and clear expectations, most children grow out of lying and learn that honesty leads to better outcomes than avoidance.
Mini Tandon, DO, is a WashU Medicine child and adolescent psychiatrist at St. Louis Children’s Hospital. She specializes in mental health care for children and adolescents, with a focus on early intervention in young children. She also provides psychiatric services for women during the perinatal period through the Perinatal Behavioral Health Service. Dr. Tandon is a strong advocate for children’s mental health, actively engaging with community organizations and authoring a children’s book series designed to help young children feel comfortable visiting mental health specialists.
