May 2, 2025, 2:30 p.m.
Sarah Garwood, MD
No matter how long it lasted—two weeks, two months, or more than a year—your teen's first real breakup can feel like the end of the world. The sadness, isolation, confusion, and urge to scroll through social media at 2 a.m., reread messages, and wonder what went wrong are all part of the process.
As a parent, it's hard to watch your child in pain. You may logically understand that this is part of growing up and that they'll move on, but they don't feel that way right now. This is where your role gently shifts from bystander to comforter. You can't take away the pain, but your support can make all the difference in how they move through it.
Let them grieve, even if you saw it coming
You may not have loved the relationship. Maybe you saw red flags or sensed it was one-sided. Maybe you even secretly hoped it would end. But now that it has, your teen is grieving a loss, and your job isn't to judge, correct, or minimize.
Avoid phrases like:
- "You'll find someone better."
- "You're too young to be this upset."
- "It wasn't that serious anyway."
Instead, validate their experience:
- "Breakups hurt. I'm really sorry this is so hard."
- "I know you really cared about them. That matters."
- "You don't have to talk, but I'm here when you're ready."
Even teens who say they're fine may still be hurting. Check in without pushing. Sometimes, just sitting next to them with a snack or watching a show together is enough to make them feel less alone.
Breakups in the age of social media
One of the hardest parts of modern teen breakups is that they don't really end, or at least not with a clean cut. Your teen may still see their ex's photos, updates, or stories every time they open their phone. And thanks to social media streaks or ongoing direct messages, they might feel pressured to stay connected even when it hurts.
Instead of demanding a total block or phone lockdown, open up a conversation:
- "Do you feel better or worse after checking their updates?"
- "What do you think would happen if you muted them for a few days?"
- "Would it help to take a break from social media for a while?"
Framing these actions as self-care, not punishment, gives your teen more agency and makes them more likely to consider setting boundaries on their own terms.
If they need a starting point, offer to help them mute, unfollow, or take a temporary break from specific apps. Some teens find it empowering to "clear the feed," while others prefer to keep things quiet. Respect their process.
Watch for signs of deeper struggle
Heartbreak hurts, but most teens begin to recover over time. That said, sometimes a breakup can trigger depression, anxiety, or self-esteem struggles, especially if your teen already felt vulnerable or unsure of themselves before the relationship.
Keep an eye out for:
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Withdrawing from friends, school, or activities they usually enjoy
- Increased irritability or hopelessness
- Signs of low self-worth ("I'm not good enough," "Nobody cares")
- Sudden drop in grades or motivation
If you're concerned, say something like:
- "You've been feeling down for a while, and I'm wondering if talking to someone outside the family could help."
- "It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you; it's just that your heart and mind could use a little extra support."
A therapist, school counselor, or your pediatrician can offer a safe space for your teen to process emotions and learn tools for healing.
When they're ready, help them reflect
As the emotional fog starts to lift, you may notice your teen becoming more open, whether it's through small comments or big conversations. This is a great opportunity to support their emotional growth, not just their recovery.
Gently guide them with questions like:
- "What did you learn about yourself from this relationship?"
- "What do you want to feel in a future relationship?"
- "What helped you get through the hardest parts?"
Avoid overanalyzing their ex or pushing lessons. Instead, help your teen see that they're learning how to understand their emotions, set boundaries, and bounce back after disappointment, skills they'll carry into every relationship they have.
Heartbreak is a form of growth
No one enjoys watching their child hurt, but this experience is shaping them in powerful, long-lasting ways. First heartbreak builds emotional intelligence, resilience, empathy, and self-respect, especially when navigated with patience and care.
You don't have to fix it. You don't need the perfect words. You just need to be there. Be there to sit beside them during the tears. Be there when they finally laugh again. Be there when they start making plans for what's next. They may not say it now, but they'll remember that you didn't rush them. You didn't minimize them. You didn't try to rescue them. You simply stayed, and that's what helped them begin to heal.
Sarah Garwood, MD
I became a pediatrician because of the impact pediatrics has on a person’s entire life. If we can help parents guide children toward best practices and teens toward healthy choices early, then their chances of success are so much greater. My husband, Jason, and I share three daughters. Becoming a parent myself has deepened my empathy for children and teens who face adversity. As a pediatrician I am able to channel that energy and work toward improvements. Like any parent, I spend a lot of my “free” time running the girls around to different activities. But when we have downtime, I like to live by my favorite MomDoc tip: Keep track of and limit screen time. Kids will play, create, and engage their imaginations when being "plugged in" is not an option. Sarah Garwood, MD, is a WashU Medicine adolescent medicine physician at St. Louis Children’s Hospital. After completing medical school at the University of Missouri–Columbia, she trained at Children’s and became an attending physician in 2008.
